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Reminiscing

2011-09-14T02:17:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, and even now, I have this habit of collecting things or items that reminded me of the good times in the past.

I have a closet full of handwritten letters from friends back in elementary, even napkins of first dates, stuffed toys, birthday gifts on my 11th bday, old photos, withered flowers.. you name it.

I have this weird attachment to material things that lets me go back to yesterday and relieve those moments that used to feel good.

Today, I had a long talk with friends.. just reminiscing about our life in the Philippines. We talked about games we used to play when we're in elementary. How we didn't need any toys to have fun when we have nature to play with. We talked about the rituals most schools in the Philippines do every freaken morning before classes i.e. prayer, national anthem, Panatang Makabayan and exercise. Hahahaha. We talked about jeepneys, pedicabs, tricycles and how it's so easy to go your friend's house even without a car. We talked about drinking your soda from plastic bags w/ straw.. and how sari-sari stores are the 24/7 walmart in the philippines, only smaller and seen at every corner of the country.

Somehow, i felt nostalgic again. As what I have said many times, having this feeling doesn't make me feel emo. It doesn't make what happened before BETTER than what is happening right now.

Reminiscing about the past gives me this positive, liberating feeling of knowing why it feels good to be alive. I am reminded of good friends, good memories, good times, good days.. and i know, if i was able to create them yesterday.. i can create them again TODAY. (w/o the jeepneys and the tricycles, ofcourse, OR MAYBE. haha.)

I am addicted to BARGAINS!

2011-09-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

I can't resist it! It's like a vicious cycle. I can't help going to places with sales and spending money on items i usually don't need. Today, i was supposed to just return a blazer i was *going to* use for my interview, but i ended up buying clothes! I am quite happy with my purchase though because I spent less that $10 for all of these. I felt like a little girl in a candy store. :)

They had a 50% already clearance-d items.

Here's what i got:

This pile consists of a 2 dresses, baggy balloon pants, and 3 tops. I didn't expect that it will still all be half off considering the fact that it's already in the clearance section. I say Good freaken deal!!

I went home with a smile on my face. :)

Judgement Day

2011-09-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

This has got to be my favorite formal outfit. I was wearing this during my clinical rotation in the Public Health Department 6 months ago and got so many compliments. Today, i wore it again to the interview i have been waiting for the past 5 months since i graduated. (me and my superstitious self thinking this might give me lots of luck today)

I must say the interview went really well. It really pays to be prepared for something you have been anticipating for a long time. I really believe that success is hard work, preparation, and learning from mistakes. Now, i just have to wait until Monday to see if i got the job or not. I told my dad "waiting game again".. then my dad said "at least you're waiting for something".. which is true. It's feels good to know that there's something i am actually looking forward to this time. :)

Can't sleep.

2011-09-11T03:14:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here as i sip my cup of tea and reading a Mitch Albom book. It's 3 o clock in the freaken morning!

I just got back from my friend's wedding.

It's funny because everyone in there was talking about how everyone in our class or friends are getting engaged or getting married. Wow, time really flies! I see the years pass by like busy cars moving hastily in the freeways. I am officially getting old! (just in years)

I think every girl had thought about her wedding at least once in her life when she was younger. I know I did. I remember I used to say that I wanted to get married in the oldest, largest, church in the Philippines, Taal Church.

I jokingly say that the aisle in this church is soo long that I will have the time to think about actually committing myself to someone in front of God. I can be a runaway bride wanna-be. Hah.

Now, i don't know if it's even possible i get married there.

I wanted a small, intimate wedding with close friends and family. Like everything else, i want it to be perfect.

I am a firm believer that marriage is a huge event in one's life. I only want to get married ONCE and i want it to be with the one person i know i want to spend the rest of my life with. I know i am more of the optimist, rather than a realist, hence, i believe in TRUE love and the commitment to love each other, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, and til death do us part or until zombie apocalypse happen (man, i miss playing dead island). Haha.

It's no joke to get married.. it's probably one of the biggest decision you have to make in life. I don't know why the heck im posting this. Maybe going to a wedding rekindled that feeling I had when I was a girl.

Book love affair

2011-09-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

"But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even it that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us. "

- By the River of Piedra, I sat down and wept, Paulo Coelho

for the forever, intriguingly optimistic person that I am.

Zombie Apocalypse

2011-09-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would be able to play a gory, zombie-slaying video game. I was never the kind of person who craves for suspense/thriller movies. Those who find the joy seeing people getting killed and blood splattering all over the screen. To be honest, i'm usually the one who chickens out by covering my eyes with blanket whenever a scary scene comes up. Haha. It's so bad that I have no idea what the heck is going on w/ the movie anymore. Yes, I am that kind.

My curiosity after watching the trailer of Dead Island has taken over me. I have never seen such a heart-sickening video game trailer like this. Why in the world would they put a child get bit by zombies? Whhhhyyy? I, along with my other 3 friends ordered the game.

After installing the game in my computer, I was hesitant to play it. (chicken, I tell you). Haha. But I got the courage to play the prologue on my own. Almost peed on my pants at the last part, but i managed to pull through. 10 hours have passed and I found myself exploring Banoi Island, looting EVERY single bag and trash I laid my eyes on..and of course, slaying zombies with my shock bolo machete like a mad man. I was hooked.

I used to joke around my friends that when a zombie apocalypse happens, I will be that "good friend" who will just shoot all of them, end their misery, and commit suicide afterwards. LOL.

Makes me think now, what if it happens right? Haha. It's funny how people can be obsessed with these kind of stuff and scaring themselves for no reason. Amusing.

Now, i'm gonna be one of them.

Reborn

2011-09-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

I miss writing for the sake of expressing what i feel regardless of what others think.

2010-06-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

This made me happy.

finally hitting the pans. :) YAY!

Feels so satisfying to know that the money i spent for makeup is finally paying off. Haha.

2010-06-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

If there's any place i want to go this summer, i wanna go to New York. I seriously feel like my heart belongs to New York (even though i haven't been there. Hahaha). You know that feeling of having a soulmate somewhere out there.. you haven't met that person yet but you know for a fact that he or she is out there -- that's the feeling I have for this city.

Ever since, I was a kid, I have always dreamed of going to NY. I have always been in love with bright lit cities, crowd from different walks of life, hearing cars honk, and just the "busy" life. The swiftness of life attracts me. I can't be static, i yearn for constant motion.

I know that some of you will say that I have no idea how it is really out there, but let a girl dream. Hahaha. It's like breaking a young girl's heart by saying that there is really no one out there for her.. and that prince charmings don't exist.. and fairytales are myths.

I will find out for myself..

someday.

oh New York..

2010-06-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

Unofficial Summer Break

Now that I am done with my research finals, I have this mindset that summer break has started already. Haha.

3 months- what to do?

I am the type of person who constantly wants to be productive... even though I play videogames A LOT, i make sure i get all the tasks i have to do finished in time. I will have no job, no school for 3 months.. omg. Video games will probably get me preoccupied most of the time, but i want to do something else.

Maybe buy a drum set, find a job, paint, and visit my friend in the bay area. Hmm. Who knows?

I think it's human nature to always strive to do something out of the ordinary-- maybe it's just me.. but i want this summer to be a memorable one.

Relay for Life.

2010-05-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

The walk to fight cancer.

I didn't get that much sleep last night. Honestly, i feel like someone just hit me with a hammer in the back waking up this morning. Haha. Didn't get to take a shower since Friday night (yup, i feel yucky and disgusted with myself as well :P). Slept with my eyeliner on so the next day, i looked like a raccoon. Haha.

Man, the joy of camping out in the soccer fields.

It was all worth it though.

Until next year!

Pictures from Z's camera.

2010-04-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

Missing you.

The days are dark
My heart yearns
for you presence
It has been awhile
oh, how i miss the smile
the grin from my face
when i take you to places
i gave up on you
for i thought it was the best thing to do
the bond that we share
is a sin that no one can compare
i still hope and pray
that that day will come
when i get to hold you again.

How i miss you,

My credit card!!

2 more weeeks!

Going crazie.

2010-04-06T01:01:00.000-07:00

Going Crazie.

Time flies by so fast. Prior to my psych rotation this quarter, I watched "Fourth Kind" online.. It's basically a story of patients with the same sleeping disorder of seeing a white owl every night when they sleep.. then they discovered through the help of a psychiatrist who does hyponosis to them that aliens abducted them. It was kinda creepy.. but in the end, i just concluded that the psychiatrist there was mentally unstable as well. lol

I asked my mom if she thinks being with patients with mental illness will also make you mentally unstable. She said "yes". I thought so too. If you are the only one who's sane in an setting where everyone else is insane, i think you'd be one of them too.. well if you will be in that place for a loong time, then most likely. It's hard to know what is real or not especially if everyone has a different perception than yours.

Anyways, I had my first psych rotation today.. and I worked at the Psych Emergency Center. Oh Lordie! I walked right in, and saw 8 patients being evaluated by psychiatrists and nurses. I spent my whole day talking to patients.

Two things i realized after my chat with at least 4 patients:

1. Most of the patients' mental state is caused by ruptured relationships. I was kinda surprised that the main reason why most patients are in this unit is because of broken bridges of relationships. Most of them had an abusive childhood, had divorce, they lost someone they love, torn relationship with their parents, or just really weak support system in general. I feel really bad for them. I can't help but think it's not these patient's faults that they are mentally ill, but because they just had bad coping strategies. Even those who had drug induced psychosis or those who had chronic alcoholism-- their main reasons for having all these vices is because of a rough relationship with someone they care for.

2. Everyone has a story behind them. No matter who they are or where they came from. We can never judge someone just by looking at them. Everyone has a story to tell. These patients we had in the unit can be your neighbor, your classmate, the person who serves you pizza in the pub... they can be people we normally see everyday.. and we won't even know what they are going through. It really helps to really get to know the person first before judging them. :)

One day of psych rotation is already mentally exhausting.. i got home and fell asleep for 5 freaken hours. WOW. talk about being a sleepy head. I admire the nurses, doctors, case workers who take the time to make these peoples' lives better. They're really making a difference.. as for me, i don't think I want to be psych nurse in the future-- i am a good listener, but it takes more than that to be a great psych nurse.

Are babies evil??

2010-01-06T23:03:00.000-08:00

Haha. One of my friends told me babies are evil.. because all they care about are themselves..

EGOCENTRIC.

They are.

Even though they are selfish, i still find them adorable.

The thing i love about babies is that they dont pose for the camera. No pretentions, no drama. Everything is real.

When they're happy, they laugh. When they're sad, they cry.

They are so naive.

It's funny how simple, little things can make them giggle and happy.

I MISS BEING A KID. lol.

found this randomly while browsing. cuute!

Well actually, im still a kid at heart. my heart still flutters when i hear the sound of raindrops.. the thought of a yummy sundae and a teddy bear to hug still excites me.. i prefer to watch cartoons rather than CSI Miami. haha.

Time flies.

Anyways....today, i had my 10 hour orientation to Pediatrics rotation for this quarter! 1 more quarter after this, and im already a senior! OMG!! i can't believe it.. one step closerr...

I think this quarter will be fun because i lovee loove kids/babies.. and im so glad to be taking care of them this quarter. I know it will really be disturbing seeing a little, young person in a ventilator, NG tube, or worse catheter..but i think the thought that i will be making a difference in these young kids' lives and making them feel better for short while-- will give me the satisfaction and the relief that i will never get from any other experience.

I'm really stoked.

NOOB.

2010-01-02T12:51:00.000-08:00

NOOB.
I refuse to be called one!

Ok, if you don't know what it means.. here's a lil diagram.

I started playing this game called League of Legends.... also called LoL for short, is a 3D Fantasy MMO by Riot Games where players choose from one of many champions and fight it out against their enemies. It is very similar to a popular Warcraft 3 game called DotA (Defense of the Ancients).

I am not a born gamer.. i just started playing MMOs a couple of years ago.. but i know that once i learn how to play the game, i am good at it.. this one, however, is freaken frustrating!

Last night, i was playing this game with a couple of friends.. 6 hours or so of playtime and all i heard all night is "DEFEAT".. playing over and over like a song stuck in my head. Heard it so many times that i forgot how "Victory" sound like. It was annoying!

Darn it. Played another one.. defeat..and another one.. defeat.. i was ready to give up! i didn't want to go to sleep without winning but it seemed hecka impossible.

SO..I decided to play a Bot Game. Haha.

Alas! Victory! (i'd probably shoot myself if i lose to a freaken bot that's in noob mode)

lol not that it counts... but i realized that i do need to LEARN HOW TO play the champions first before playing against other players.. It's like getting into a battle w/ no gameplan and a spatula (I know it's random. lol..)

I'll probably read on it.. play more bot games until i find my champion.. and then, i can PWN in real games.

My brother who's been playing this game came in my room and started calling me a NOOB. I got hecka mad so i kicked him out. lol.

I REFUSE TO BE CALLED ONE!

No resolutions.

2009-12-31T15:49:00.000-08:00

2009 has been a great year for me.

Learned a lot of new lessons.. worked my butt off like no other.. moved to a new house.. met a lot of interesting, new people.. made unforgettable memories.. survived another year of nursing.. and after all the hardships ive experienced..the shit hole i've been in to.. i manage to pull through.. and i'm still here.. alive and kicking!

one thing i for sure realized is that.. IF YOU REALLY WANT IT, THERE'S A WAY TO GET IT! <3

So, resolutions?

Nah.

I'm so tired of thinking of resolutions that i decided not to have any for the next year. Haha. I realized that it will all just be the usual resolutions i have every yearr! (lose weight, save money..etc.. the cliche. hehe.)

Instead..I'll just try to better myself every day. :)

Here's to another year of pulling through.. learning, living, loving.. and growth!
Haha. BEEEER!

WELCOME 2010!

Hello, mountain!

2009-12-28T22:55:00.000-08:00

Some pictures i took going to Sierra Summit to snowboard.

I don't know why but every time i go out of town to do something, i always have the tendency to take pictures of the landscape/scenery instead of the people. XD

My wallet is in pain.

2009-12-24T04:10:00.000-08:00

& my feet too.

The only thing i like about Christmas is that i get to spend quality time with family.. although it shouldn't only be during Christmas or any holidays..but every day!

I hate that im starting to have the mentality of buying sooo much for the holidays... and spelling LOVE with gifts and money. Meh.

But then i thought about it..

I did spend my time and effort working hard to earn this money so i can spoil my loved ones this year.. it's not like this happens all the time.. just once a year. So..Might as well.

Anyways, hope everyone of you out there is having a happy holiday with those people who matter.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Ho Ho Ho!

My favorite sephora purchase.

2009-11-30T17:24:00.000-08:00

Got this at sephora today. It was the last one! I snagged it as soon as i saw it! I have read a lot of good reviews about it.

Sephora Favorites: Naturally Gorgeous skincare and makeup samples.

for freaken $20!!

This set contains: (*=my favorites)
- 0.338 oz Korres Silicone-Free Vitamin E Face Primer
- 0.0005 oz Tarte EmphasEYES in Black
- 0.1 oz Tarte Lash Hugger*
- 0.5 oz Ole Henriksen Truth Serum*
- 0.08 oz Bare Escentuals 100% Natural Lip Gloss in Rose*
- 100 Sheets Boscia Green Tea Blotting Linens*
- 0.17 Skyn Iceland Icelandic Relief Eye Cream
- 0.1 oz Plant Love Blush in Peony
- 0.13 oz Josie Maran 100% Organic Argan Oil

Rating: 4.9 out of 5.

PROS:
♥ Awesome price for the whole kit! =)
♥If you wanna try eco-friendly makeup products, this is the best way to start.
♥The serum from Henriksen smells soo goood and makes face skin firmer.
♥the lipgloss from Bare Naturals is the bomb! gorgeous color and didn't make my lips dry.

CONS:
♥Tarte eyeliner irritated my eyes.

Love looove it! I'm sad it's only limited edition and no longer available for purchase..but if they put them up online once again, i'd definitely buy another one in a heartbeat!

Sent home.

2009-10-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

I had a stomachache this morning, and my professor sent me home because of that. How lame.

Last night, i got a patient who was in a really critical condition. He came in w/ a diagnosis of cardiac arrest. Was found unconscious and he was intubated in the field. When i was taking my information from his charts, he was having seizures. It made me kinda scared.

I was excited to take care of him today.

Too bad, i had to go home and make up my hours in the sim lab! (i wanted to work with real people!)

Anyways, i went to the doctor and he told me i have gastritis. I find it really odd that I will be working in the medical field, yet i don't believe in this kind of shit. lol. He prescribed me medications that supposedly will make me feel better, but at the back of my mind-- will only make me worse.

I seriously think once you go to hospital.. get treated.. you're gonna keep on coming back no matter what.

I dont know. Maybe it's just me. Oh well.

Legal.

2009-09-27T23:39:00.000-07:00

Mojitos, Margaritas... come hurr baby! hahahhaha.

You know you're getting old when you refer to the the younger ones as "the new generation" or "kids".. as what i always say to Jeff when ranting-- "Those kids... tsk tsk". Haha.

Well hopefully, im a year more mature and better too! Happy 21st to me.

Never say Never

2009-09-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

..being bombarded with thick nursing books, getting my first scrubs (how excited i was!), buying my own stethoscope, first tour in hospital, first time seeing a person die, cleaning crap, seeing a person's chest opened, injecting my self with water.. and more.

WOW.

it has been a year.

I have never appreciated nurses this way ever since i got into nursing school.

I have never seen them as these selfless, compassionate individuals who's always willing to give a helping hand and ear. (well some of them)

Their work is physically, emotionally and spiritually draining. No wonder my mom gets home from work like a worker who worked for 2 days straight with no break. lol (exagge)

I looked back and remembered how i used to tell myself that i will never become a nurse... just because i was afraid of blood..( the image in my head of me working with wounded patients with bones sticking out of their flesh and passing out.) Haha. I used to find that cleaning others butts is really icky.. let alone wiping it myself.

I just wanted to heal/care people.. that's why when i was a kid, i told my parents I want to become a doctor (i think most kids say that.haha). I found myself applying to a university for Biology, not nursing when i finished highschool.

..but here i am putting all these words back to my mouth.

i survived my first year of nursing... and still striving to finally be out there.. in the hospitals.. and officially call myself an RN.

I guess you can really never say never.

I realized..

I find joy in making my patients feel comfortable/clean when they accidentally shit on themselves, from changing wound dressings infested with maggots, from dealing with patients who are suicidal and depressed, from being yelled at by patient's families..

Perhaps what i didn't want to do led me to finding who i really am and what i really want to become.

Up, Up and Away!

2009-09-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

After the long anticipation to see this movie, i finally went out with Jeff to watch it today. :)

Such an epic movie. This is probably my favorite Disney Pixar movie now.. second would be Finding Nemo.

It's a heartfelt tale of love, loss, and letting go.. I was teary eyed at some parts of the movie.. but in the end, it made me realize that really.. when you say goodbye to something, it can be a beginning of something else.. might be something better and bigger.

It also reminded me, that given the ability and the will to fulfill your dreams, no matter how unreachable they may seem.. it is really possible to make it happen.

*starts building my own rocketship* Haha.

A must see movie. I'll def buy the dvd when it comes out. =)

Anyways, so today was my first day of work..and guess what? I got a ticket for exceeding parking meter. HOW LAME. i don't really care that much about the fine but just the thought that i got my first ever ticket from parking meter violation is just FAIL. I could've done something more adventurous like speeding 100+ mi/hr. Sigh.

How sad.

Really.

Oh well. I got to go sleep coz i have work tomorrow at 8 so i can pay off this fucking fee.

It can get messier.

2009-08-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

When you're used to eating with your bare hands, eating at Boiling Crabs can't get any better.
With time flying by with a snap of a finger.. people working like ants nonstop.. I believe it's really important that there's a day to spend with family and bond. <3

Miserable at best.

2009-08-16T20:37:00.001-07:00

....those days when you just want time to run out fast, so you can rest.

Dealing with people who are fucked up gets tiring. It gets to a point where it's eating you alive little by little. Too much of you is taken away. Nothing. Left.

You look at someone as if they're someone who's special.. but the feeling was never reciprocated. You're left behind. thrown, and thrashed.

It's amazing how someone can make you feel this way yet they have no fuckin clue that they are causing this misery to you. Amazing.

...or do they?

Sigh.